Earlier today I was chatting w/Phil, a Facebook friend and brother in ministry. We were discussing how God closes doors and our tendency to still look for opportunities when those doors are closing, aka, lack of faith and trust
Chalk it up to insecurity/lack of faith on my part. My prayer, more recently, has been more like, "Lord whatever, wherever, however, etc, I'm yours." Many times during the past 3 yrs I've wanted to give up and go and do something else. I even find myself searching for ministry positions on Pastorfinder.com every now and then. God has been instilling in me a deeper level of trusting in Him and His sovereignty. When Jesus said, "deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me," I truly believe He meant to give up everything...including all of my hopes, dreams and ambitions...so that I can truly be empty of myself, so that He can live His life (Zoe) through me. He doesn't just want to use my dreams and thoughts, He wants to fill me with a whole new level of hopes and dreams...wrought by Him...things I can't even begin to imagine. I am learning that my small dreams, limited by my human imagination, cannot begin to compare with the dream God has for me. This is why I believe God tells us, in so many places in His word, to let go(Prov.3:5-6 for instance) and let Him be God.
For me, it is as Paul declared in Philippians 3 about what he used to put confidence in...human achievement and ambition, the flesh, etc...yet he had come to a point (later in his life and ministry) of abandoning it all, counting it as rubbish, for the sake of knowing Christ personally and walking in the power of His resurrection. Paul saw himself as a bondservant...a slave for Christ. Whatever it takes, let me die daily to myself, becomong like Christ in His death, so that I may, somehow, attain to the resurrection from the dead (Phil.3:10-11)
